If this is your first visit, it may be useful for you to check out these two previous posts before reading this one:
http://fatmohnscoop.wordpress.com/2011/04/30/the-invitation/
http://fatmohnscoop.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/diary-pt-1/
We never could title our friendship. Always struggled with describing it to people – even ourselves. Were we friends? Best friends? Closest Friends? Brother n Sister? Nah…none of those words even did it justice. You even called me the David to your Jonathan……
It was indefinable because it was what it shouldn’t have been and wasn’t what it should have been…make sense? We both had other “close friends” but our relationship was by far closer…we did things we shouldn’t have – and we both new it. Not that being closer was a problem, but what we did while being closer was.
My friends questioned & warned me. Your friends questioned me & warned me. My family questioned me & warned- YOUR family questioned & warned me…ever saw the error in our ways, the truth of what we had become, the iceberg we were approaching…they saw me, the normally “walled-up” person being extremely free, and they were concerned….you didn’t get it as much as me though…tends to be the case…
But the cool breeze was a wonderful feeling…
This was a continuation to the last diary entry, but the thing I want to point out from here is my state of mind. I loved the idea of the game more then the reality of the problem I was creating. Even after numerous warnings from those closest to us, we still continued to pursue a relationship that was to both of our detriments. There are many reasons why, which I will briefly list below:
1) Right Person, Wrong Time Mentality:
This is very dangerous. You never fully “leave” the person and allow God to mold them to his image because you’re still flirting with the idea of this is my partner I’m your head. You’re afraid to truly give them the space needed because deep down you fear if you do, they’ll find someone else. This also creates many situations where you do things to “remind them” that you’re still there, you’re still interested, and you still care. Stop it. Seriously. Seriously. Give it to God. If it’s yours He will preserve you for each other when you’re ready.
2) I Liked It:
Let’s be real. I’m human. I liked the attention and idea of security and identity the situation gave me. But I also ignored all the red flags (warning signs) as a result. Not to say everything was bad. I grew a lot as an individual during this time but if you’re walking with God, growth is inevitable. I spent all my time with this person so of course I would think “you make me better” when God was doing the work through him because he was the only person I was willing to learn from at the time.
3) The Savior Complex:
We all do it, boys and girls. We see the weak points in someone and say “I can help, I can change them”. No you can’t. You’re not God. Stop making people your projects when you’re not even a complete package. Invest in your relationship with God, your family and friends.
Let me say this: He’s a lovely and amazing guy and friend and we shared many good things and I have many priceless memories from our friendship that I will carry with me forever. These are just the places where I felt I went wrong in our friendship. I by no means am bad mouthing him.
With all honesty and humility,
Fatmohnscoop x